Everything I Know About Doctor Who I Learned From Burlesque!
In anticipation of seeing Behind the Blue Door Returns to Celebrate 50 Years of Dr. Who I wanted to reflect on what burlesque has taught me about this British sitcom I’ve never seen. I’m not sure if it’s a sitcom or rom-com or a drama. Is it a soap opera? Only soap operas can be on television as long as Doctor Who.
I am fairly certain my knowledge of this programme is slightly skewed by its representation on the burlesque stage.
• A Tardis is sexy. A Dalek is sexy. One of them is good and one of them is evil.
• There are a bunch of Doctors and some of them are like, way hot. Androgyny is also way hot.
• Sometimes there are Companions and sometimes the Companions wanna sex with the Doctors. Companions in Doctor Who are different than Companions in Firefly. I think.
• Once upon a time some dude, maybe a Doctor, lost his hand but some guy named Capt Jack humped it.
• I’ve seen many fan dances. The guy sitting next to me has not and the magic combination of a fan dance and phrase “bad wolf” written across a lady body has made him lose his mind, thus proving my scientific theory that extreme fandom plus good burlesque equals this reaction 100% of the time: wonder-awe-lurv-squeee-thud.
• There is a nun who is also a cat. Nuncat.
• Agent Scully is a Time Lord. Wait, I didn’t learn this from burlesque. I learned this from Mercury Troy and I want to believe it though I don’t know what it means. Something involving a lady with a tattoo of a snake eating its own tail and the fact that Scully is probably immortal, or so says Clyde Bruckman.
• The Master wants to bone the Doctor and it makes angels weep.
Check out Behind the Blue Door and learn about Dr Who through boobs. Or come and celebrate your brain-archive of extreme Whovian knowledge. Friday night sold out but there should be tickets left at the door for Saturday and Sunday. I’m selling merch tonight so you can come disprove or verify any of the knowledge above in person.
